The Law of Common Sense
Never accept a drink from a urologist.

Funny Question:
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

When a cow laughs, does milk come out it's nose?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. "Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?", asked the doctor. "Sure, after the police leave", replied the lawyer....

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a handy-woman and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch, he said. How much will you charge me? The blonde quickly responded, How about $50? The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house? He responded, that's a bit cynical, isn't it? The wife replied, "You're right". I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. You're finished already? The husband asked. Yes, the blonde replied, and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her. And by the way, the blonde added, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus!!!

My father, a Navy man, had the good fortune to be stationed in Hawaii -- but the bad fortune to have fair skin. One day, after spending many hours under the hot sun, he reported back to duty with a terrible sunburn. Expecting sympathy, he was, instead, reprimanded by his superiors and then written up for "destruction of government property."

While visiting my mother in the hospital, I stopped in the cafeteria for breakfast. I set a piece of bread on the moving toaster rack and waited for it to pass under the heated coils and return golden brown. Instead, it got stuck at the back of the toaster and I couldn't reach it. The woman next in line quickly seized a pair of tongs, reached in and fished out the piece of toast. "You must be an emergency worker," I joked. "No," she replied with a grin. "I'm an obstetrician."

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. "No, no, no!" she screamed. "Lizzie," scolded her mother, "that's not polite behavior." With that, the girl yelled even louder, "No, thank you! No, thank you!"

We brought our newborn son, Adam, to the pediatrician for his first checkup. As he finished, the doctor told us, "You have a cute baby." Smiling, I said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." "No," he replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking." "So what do you say to the others?" I asked. "He looks just like you."

Cell service in our area was so rotten we told our service provider to cancel our contract. About a week later, we received a letter saying they wanted to continue the relationship. The reason that they were writing? They had been unsuccessful in contacting us by phone. Hello?

In light of the news of the so called human cloning going on, we have to ask ourselves the hypothetical question:
If you pushed your naked clone off the top of a tall building, would it be...
A) murder?
B) suicide? or
C) merely making an obscene clone fall?

Word Definition: THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.